If you keep bumping up against the same patterns with people, the problem is definitely you

Healing Elaine®: Bridging the Gap Between Medical & Spiritual®

The tough part about admitting and then processing the fact that the problem is you, is understanding the nuance and grey space within human beings - in other words, two things can be true at the same time: you can contribute negatively to a pattern with a “bad person” just as you can with a “good person”. There is our nature, and then there is our nurture. And our programs don’t shut off like a light-switch - rather they require vulnerability and skin in the game to face. Most never do this and end up shocked they’re on the Merry-Go-Round they thought they could out-intellectualize.